26 January 2018


Oh 2018 what a crazy year you've been already!
I mean, really!
My kids went back to school and the next week had another day off!
That's insane to me!

 Jade started Sunbeams this year after being in nursery at church!
For those that don't know,
in the LDS church children move into Primary
(the Sunday School for children ages 3-12)
after they turn 3.
Jade loves being in Primary with her big sister most specifically.
Rory takes her to class every week now and has her sit next to her
if she's feeling a bit overwhelmed.
She's literally the best big sister for Jade. 
Rory is in CTR 5 this year too and I can't believe it!
She's halfway done with kindergarten and almost a 1st grader
They're getting so big.
  After typing that I realize I'm going to be getting these a lot:
"When are you gonna try for that boy?!"
"Jade really needs a little sibling doesn't she!"
"You're not done having kids are you!?
You only have two!"
**insert eye roll and a forced smile here**
I'll be blunt:
I don't like these questions/statements.
I'll usually laugh or scoff it off but honestly,
I think it's a little inappropriate to 
ask those questions to ANYONE.
These are sensitive questions that are only for husbands and wives
and our Heavenly Parents to ask each other.
Only our Heavenly Parents know how many children
are supposed to come to us,
They will give us the signs/info/promptings necessary to have more kids.

I used to ask people those questions especially when they didn't have any kids yet.
I now know that it's very insensitive to do that.
Who knows what their journey has been!
Maybe they are trying and you asking that 
just puts another hole in their heart after yet another negative test.
Or even the couple that doesn't want children!
Guess what?
It's not a requirement in life to have children.
And if they have made that decision then it's between them
and our Heavenly Parents.
I'm not saying we, personally, will never have another child BUT
 for the foreseeable future,

 My reasons are truly my own
BUT I will share them in hopes that it may help someone else
who is also feeling this way to know they're not alone.

 I could not handle another child mentally right now.
My anxiety is too close of a friend still.
I'm still in the trenches of small child rearing.
It is the hardest and most draining work I've ever done
and I worked at Disneyland for a year guys.
THAT was hard but this is so much harder.
And to add to my already overwhelmed state would not be good for my kids.

I love having two girls.
I love that we can take one on one time with them pretty easily.
I can take one with me to the grocery store
and have some fun talks while the other stays
with Andrew and has quality time with him. 
That time is very important to me because I want them to know
we are always there.

Financially we could have another and be fine but diapers.....
guys I'm so close to being done with diapers!
Jade will be potty training soon
and I'd like to rid myself of the smell of them
and the cost of them.
Because even generic diapers still cost money.
A bit selfish? Maybe, but still true.

There are other reasons as well but these came to mind first
and some reasons are just too personal to share.
I know as an LDS (Mormon) woman there seems
to be pressure to have a ton of kids.
I have come to finally understand that your family,
and it's size,
 is a very personal choice.
It can't be one dictated by culture or guilt/pressure.
And I know most people do not mean harm in asking those questions.
I know that.
Most people are just sincerely wondering about you
and how you're doing and they mean it well.
They are genuinely curious or wanting more babies to spoil ;)
Which is very sweet BUT I still feel that these questions
are just too personal to ask.

 And so to answer the above questions:
There are no more kids in our forseeable future.
I am honestly perfectly happy with the two I have.
I'm not saying never because only God knows when/if more kids are up there for us.
I feel like these two are the only ones for me and Andrew
and for now.
They are more than enough ;)