04 January 2017


Who knew this would actually be a year?
I mean remember when we were kids and the year 2000 was a weird thing to say??
Ya know what I'm saying?
I feel slightly old and weird saying 2017 sometimes hahaha
I swear the 90s were just a couple years ago.
It's a new year.
Lets be real,
I think it's awesome to set goals and even better when we achieve them!
Remember last year when I started Isagenix
and I loved it for the month and a half I was able to do it?
(I stopped only because of monetary commitment,
I absolutely LOVED the products and I hope 
to be able to get back on the bandwagon soon!)
Remember when I said I wanted to spend more time on me last year?
While it definitely wasn't as much as proved needed,
it was more than I had before.
So I call it a win.
I know that if I make "New Years Resolutions"
I will not keep them.
I just won't.
I will try to copy what others have said and then when it doesn't work
as well for me as it does for others,
I will get discouraged and give up.
So I'm not going to do that.
I also can't really do a "Word of the Year" thing
cuz I will forget hahaha
Plus I feel like if I commit to only one word,
it will be harder for me to try to find the focus to help myself get better.
It's just not me.
Instead I have just decided to 
focus on myself.
(If you follow me on IG then you've heard my little rant on InstaStories, sorry!)
I am not going to say
"I'm going to lose X amount of weight"
"I'm not eating sugar for the entire year"
or whatever because that doesn't work for me!
I, as a person, have discovered that if I set limits on how proud of myself I can be,
I will fail.
Then feel guilty,
and then the cycle repeats itself again and I'm left in the same ugly spot.
Especially on losing weight.
I'd given up a long time ago thinking that I could ever be a VS model,
I knew I would always be chunkier.
And I was mostly ok with it.
I mean, my body has birthed 2 children,
my hips will never go back to their original state,
I have stretch marks,
my boobs have grown and shrunk so many times
that I'm not even sure they're even!
Maybe hahaha oh well!
 So to the "perfect picture of a woman"
I say PSHAW!
You know what?
I am beautiful to the people that love me the most.
Do I sometimes still wish I looked a certain way?
Absolutely. I'm a human being after all,
but I have decided to stop beating myself up.
How on earth will that make me better?
It won't.
And to all of those women that ARE the "perfect woman" size?
Good for you! 
If you're healthy and happy, power to you!
It's just not me.
 I wrote recently about not giving up everything we are for our kids.
Most everything sure,
but every single aspect of your being should not be driven away,
or forced to hide until you can't find it anymore.
I still firmly believe that.
Why would you want your kids to only know the shell of who you really are?
We went and saw Moana again recently
(go with me on this, it'll be worth it I swear!)
and both times I've seen it
and listening to the soundtrack on repeat
I saw/heard things that I hadn't before.
One of my favorite songs is when Moana is standing on her canoe
trying to decide what to do.
Her grandmother asks her:
"Moana do you know who you are?"
She responds with this:
"Who am I?
I'm a girl that loves my island and a girl who loves the sea.
It calls me.
I am the daughter of the village chief,
we are descended from voyagers
who found their way across the world.
They call me.
I've delivered us to where we are.
I have journeyed farther,
I am everything I've learned and more.
Still it calls me.
And the call isn't out there at all,
its inside me! 
It's like the tide,
always falling and rising.
I will carry you here in my heart,
you remind me
that come what may I know the way.
There is such confidence and power in her voice and words.
It does bring me to tears often haha I won't lie.
I love the whole movie
so if you haven't seen it,
But this song, plus others, just speaks to me about following the "voice inside"
to know who we are.
THAT'S what I want for my year.
I want to be able to hear my inner voice to help me rediscover
who I am.
I am so many things,
but I want to remember who I was before
and bring her back or at least pieces of that person.
(lezzzbe real, the acne and teen angst can stay far away hahaha)
 And hey, if I manage to lose a few pounds 
or learn some new skills along the way,
I know I'll be the better for it!
So bring it on 2017,
let's do this together ;)

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