30 November 2016

Mamas and Passions

I've had something on my mind a lot lately.
Ok let's be real, I always have a ton of things on my mind hahaha
it's part of my DNA to over think and go a million directions at once.
But the other day I was noticing how many mothers on my FB feed,
including myself,
were talking about how much they do for their kids. 

And I thought to myself 
"Holy crap, EVERYTHING on my social media is about kids!!"
And it was true.
The ads on the sides: children's clothing and toys,
status updates/photos were of children playing in snow or toys,
emails were full of sales for kid items.
"When did everything in my enitre existence become only about my kids?"

Now, go with me on this.
I LOVE being a mother to my girls.
It's all I've ever wanted.
I love being there for them all the time and such.


I do NOT want to only be remembered as a "just my mom".
I don't want to be remembered as someone who 
sacrificed everything for her kids.
Most things, absolutely!
But "everything" suddenly seemed like a mighty high price to pay 
to be a parent.

Now I don't mean this in the material sense.
I will always sacrifice for them to have food, shelter, clothing, etc.
Sacrifices like that are mandatory for parenthood and that's
more than ok with me. 
I'm talking in our emotional/spiritual needs
I, personally, don't really want to be painted as a "martyr".
I don't want the kids' stories to only talk about how I stayed home
all the time so they could go play or do activities,
or be in the kitchen the whole night when there's a party happening,
to up at the crack of dawn baking bread so 
my kids feel loved with a homemade breakfast every day
(bah! Yeah right, I'd never get up that early hahaha),
or to only and always be in the background.

I know I always WILL be in the background of their lives, 
that's where I should be,
but not as part of the wallpaper.
I want them to remember me as someone that does things she likes to do.
See me and their Dad go out together to show them 
how important marriage is.
See me find and explore passions and dreams.
See me DO something with my life.
Without the guilt of doing something with it.

Do I know what that something is yet? No.
Do I feel selfish for feeling like I don't want to only be
"the mom" to my girls? Yes.
Will I still sacrifice things for them? Of course.
However, I won't sacrifice myself in the process.
I just can't do that anymore.
I want my girls to grow up knowing that being a parent is amazing!
That having kids is such a wonderful blessing,
and one that does require sacrifice.
But I want them to see that it doesn't require them to 
sacrifice themselves completely to do it. 
Still be that spunky kooky girl that loves unicorns!
Or that girl that loves to eat all kinds of different foods!
The one that reads books with passion!
The one that loves to be active and independent!
The girl who loves movies and popcorn!
Parenting is a blessing and I want them to know that,
as well as know that you CAN have it both ways.
Maybe not always the same way or all at the same time,
but we are allowed to be ourselves AND a mother.
It really is possible.


Now I just gotta find my dream and go for it!

What are your passions and things you do for YOU?

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