24 March 2016

Out with the old!

Hello all!
Hope you're all getting ready for the Easter bunny to visit you
and also sharing the Spirit with others 
during this time of remembering His Resurrection.
I'm excited for it.
I always love holidays with our kids, 
even if it does stress me out somewhat sometimes haha
We're also getting ready for our Disneyland trip in a few weeks!
The whole fam damily is going and we're so excited!
I can't wait to see Rory's face again as we go in and see "her castle"
and Jade's as she finally can understand what's happening!
Last time she was there she was only 2 months old hahaha
Now I bring this up because remembering our last family trip 
started depressing me.
Here's why:

 See this gorgeous girl??
She'd just had a baby 2 months earlier,
she was doing great,
eating well,
had the house work under control,
was "exercising" ish to keep better.
Well then life happened.
I got PPD pretty bad,
I had/have mild anxiety,
and sometimes I still have bouts of the depression. 
Plus taking birth control.
All of that led to this:

I am not happy with how I look most of the time.
Now, I am MORE the proud of what my body has done:
produced 2 babies perfectly healthy and beautiful.
I have stretch marks to prove it haha
But my hips will never go back (which is fine),
I have a ton of loose skin from those pregnancies,
and I've also somehow gained so much extra weight without even seeing it happen.
(See that neck fat hahaha sick!)
Sure, I'm not eating grass or anything to stay healthy like that,
but I also don't gorge myself.
So it came up suddenly.
And I want/need it to change.
I'm not writing this to sound like I hate myself.
Because I don't.
I'm a bit disappointed in myself that I let things go this far,
BUT I don't feel as big as I am
and for ME, for my mental health, that's a good thing.
It also helps me to realize that I have to push for this change.
So next week I am starting on MY path to a healthier me.
I'm going to be using Isagenix for the first month to test if it helps me.
Also using it because I have some kind of IBS-type thing going on with me
ever since I was little but I'm hoping these products help me cleanse out the bad
and help me usher in goodness.
And if it works, YAY!
Then I've found what I need and want to help me.
And if not,
that's fine too.
It will at least be the kick start to something better.
We'll be at Disneyland while I'm in the midst of this.
At first I was super annoyed with myself that I planned it this way.
"I wanna EATTTT when we're there!!"
But then I realized,
I don't need the food to have a good time.
Most of the time after I eat I feel gross anyway.
So this time,
it's going to be salads and the healthier options they now give
(which thank heavens cuz I didn't want to die!)
with maybe a small treat of a carmel apple (or bacon-wrapped asparagus).
I wanted to write this here as another way of keeping myself accountable.
I don't necessarily want to post a picture of me 
because that will absolutely make me sad hahaha
and I'd rather focus on the good that will come from now on.
SO here''s hoping a new me is on the horizon and that I can get her to stay!
Fingers crossed!

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Welcome to our adventure!