24 March 2016

Out with the old!

Hello all!
Hope you're all getting ready for the Easter bunny to visit you
and also sharing the Spirit with others 
during this time of remembering His Resurrection.
I'm excited for it.
I always love holidays with our kids, 
even if it does stress me out somewhat sometimes haha
We're also getting ready for our Disneyland trip in a few weeks!
The whole fam damily is going and we're so excited!
I can't wait to see Rory's face again as we go in and see "her castle"
and Jade's as she finally can understand what's happening!
Last time she was there she was only 2 months old hahaha
Now I bring this up because remembering our last family trip 
started depressing me.
Here's why:

 See this gorgeous girl??
She'd just had a baby 2 months earlier,
she was doing great,
eating well,
had the house work under control,
was "exercising" ish to keep better.
Well then life happened.
I got PPD pretty bad,
I had/have mild anxiety,
and sometimes I still have bouts of the depression. 
Plus taking birth control.
All of that led to this:

I am not happy with how I look most of the time.
Now, I am MORE the proud of what my body has done:
produced 2 babies perfectly healthy and beautiful.
I have stretch marks to prove it haha
But my hips will never go back (which is fine),
I have a ton of loose skin from those pregnancies,
and I've also somehow gained so much extra weight without even seeing it happen.
(See that neck fat hahaha sick!)
Sure, I'm not eating grass or anything to stay healthy like that,
but I also don't gorge myself.
So it came up suddenly.
And I want/need it to change.
I'm not writing this to sound like I hate myself.
Because I don't.
I'm a bit disappointed in myself that I let things go this far,
BUT I don't feel as big as I am
and for ME, for my mental health, that's a good thing.
It also helps me to realize that I have to push for this change.
So next week I am starting on MY path to a healthier me.
I'm going to be using Isagenix for the first month to test if it helps me.
Also using it because I have some kind of IBS-type thing going on with me
ever since I was little but I'm hoping these products help me cleanse out the bad
and help me usher in goodness.
And if it works, YAY!
Then I've found what I need and want to help me.
And if not,
that's fine too.
It will at least be the kick start to something better.
We'll be at Disneyland while I'm in the midst of this.
At first I was super annoyed with myself that I planned it this way.
"I wanna EATTTT when we're there!!"
But then I realized,
I don't need the food to have a good time.
Most of the time after I eat I feel gross anyway.
So this time,
it's going to be salads and the healthier options they now give
(which thank heavens cuz I didn't want to die!)
with maybe a small treat of a carmel apple (or bacon-wrapped asparagus).
I wanted to write this here as another way of keeping myself accountable.
I don't necessarily want to post a picture of me 
because that will absolutely make me sad hahaha
and I'd rather focus on the good that will come from now on.
SO here''s hoping a new me is on the horizon and that I can get her to stay!
Fingers crossed!

02 March 2016

Easter Prep

Hello all!
Welcome to March!
Yay another new month!
Spring (for the entire northern hemisphere except Arizona)
new things happening,
and all that fun stuff.
I'm most excited about Easter. 
I get to teach the Easter lesson this year and I'm beyond stoked!
I'm hoping I can find a really good article/talk to use as my lesson 
like I did for Christmas.
Guys, I'm going to attempt to go a little deep here.
Try to follow my thoughts,
confusing or random or whatever they may be.
Last year in Primary we taught New Testament and I got to teach
both the Garden of Gethsemane and the Atonement AND the Resurrection of Christ.
As I was preparing these lessons I couldn't help but start to wonder about the world
we live in currently.
Has anyone else seen the signs?
We live in a completely wonderful and yet completely terrifying world right now.
When I was growing up I knew there was bad stuff out there
but it wasn't being thrown in my face at every turn.
Gay issues existed but weren't flaunted,
racism existed but also wasn't used as an excuse for everything,
my religion wasn't on a seemingly constant persecution.
I didn't feel judged, bullied, and I could play outside without being reported to CPS.
I told the girls I teach that they will be facing so many horrid things in their lives 
that will try to shake their testimonies and lead them astray.
One of my favorite movies growing up was Saturday's Warrior.
For us Mormons it's a movie about our spiritual journey 
and it follows a teenage boy in the 70s
who deals with loss, the zero population problem, finding his way back to his family,
and finding the true worth of himself.
The song at the beginning starts off with:
"Who are these children coming down?
Coming down like gentle rain through darkened skies.
With glory trailing from their feet as they go,
an endless promise in their eyes.
These are the few, the warriors 
saved for Saturday.
To come the last day of the world,
these are they on Saturday.
These are the strong, the warriors
rising in their might,
to win the battle raging in the hearts of men on Saturday." 
Obviously, every child born in each generation is a sacred and special warrior soul.
Saved especially for these dark times in what we like to call
"The last days",
meaning, the time right before our Lord will come again and bring peace.
As I taught these girls about the precious gift of the Atonement,
I couldn't help but look at them and see the beautiful souls and 
brilliant minds they have.
Their testimonies I could see in their countenance.
Some a little brighter than others,
but all of them glowing with the power of what they knew to be true and right.
I told them, with tears streaming down my face "You girls have been saved for right now!
We need young women like you to become the mature women
who can think for themselves and stand up for what's right.
To teach your children how the world should be and to safeguard them from it's
false safety's. 
You are here to make this world a better place for all of us."
And as I looked at my own daughters, again tears filled my eyes
as I realized my responsibility as well to teach my girls the same things.
I want my girls to be the warriors.
There's another line in another song that touches me every time I hear it.
The young man singing it has been looking for the truth his entire life.
He's an artist and draws people in an interesting way.
He draws the potential he sees in all of them.
But he cannot see it in himself:
"A tall and noble, fiery youth
who's not afraid to die for truth,
who's tall and straight but best of all he's free!
And where's my dream like his that I would fight for?
And where's my cause like his that I would die for?
But still the paper's in my hand and everyday I sketch the man
who knows the truth and what life's all about!
My conscience says I should be him;
I guess I could at least begin.
But chances are, 
I'd probably strike out.
I NEVER want the girls I teach or my own daughters or ANYONE to ever feel this way.
I want them to always know the truth
and to stick with it.
DON'T let anyone take away your fire,
your determination, 
your testimony of Christ and His Gospel.
Guys, I won't lie to you.
I see Satan's hand everywhere these days.
He's constantly tearing down all that is good and pure.
He's leading people away by the thousands
with his tempting voice and his rationalizations.
Hearing of so many leaving the church over policies
that have NEVER changed,
and losing their testimonies over what the world says we need to believe,
and that we need to change His gospel to fit the "needs" of the world
breaks my heart to no end.
I've seen it in my own life affect the ones I love most dearly.
Satan, Lucifer, The Devil, Snake, Tempter or whatever you want to call him is real.
He's constantly trying to tear us down 
and make us forget who we are and where we came from.
Whether you grew up as a Mormon or not,
the threat is still real.
Listen to the little voice inside you.
That voice will never lead you astray,
that voice knows what's right and what's not.
As I told my girls,
we ALL must have our faith tested
and I'm praying we ALL pass with flying colors. 
I'm sorry this is a little overly religious than normal for me.
It's been weighing on my mind for months
and I felt like I needed to write it here as well.
And as we prepare for Easter.
The real reason for the holiday is not bunnies that bring candy.
It is when we were given the greatest gift we ever could ahve received.
Jesus suffered for our sins.
He felt our pains, sorrows, sufferings, everything.
He knows us by name and will always listen to our prayers.
I'm going to leave this here.
We are actually currently learing this song in Primary and I cry everytime
we sing it.
The Spirit testifies of His sacrifice and I love this song.