07 January 2016

Balance

I'm sure most of you will have seen this viral
video of Jada Pinkett Smith talking with her mother and her daughter
about mothers/motherhood.

And if you haven't, I put it here for you to watch.



It's no secret that I've gone through some really rough patches dealing with motherhood.
I've written about it a few times,
as part of a way to try to heal as well as to help any others that may feel the same.

"You have to take care of yourself...
you have to find a balance"
*shudder* 
but ALL the mommy blogs/groups/social media sites
say that if I take my eyes off the kids for longer than a pee break
I'll be scarring them for life,
they won't grow into independent adults,
they'll need me to help them make decisions forever,
they won't feel loved,
not making homemade meals every night deprives them of happiness,
homeschooling is the only good option,
etc etc etc.

I have felt ALL of the guilt.
Guilt of leaving them with dad for the night,
leaving them with sitters for a much needed date,
staying with them even though I'd rather be out,
wishing for time without kids so desperately,
then getting that time and feeling miserable that you left.
Making friends is almost impossible.
Keeping them sometimes more impossible.
And so much more.
The anxiety is real.
The depression is real.
It's raw.
It's hard.
It's destructive.

Jada is completely right.
You HAVE to be able to take care of yourself
or everything falls to the wayside.

So this year, I'm really going to concentrate on myself.
I love being a wife and mother and a church teacher.
However I feel like there must be more to me than who depends on me.
So it's time to start fresh,
get back to basics.
Figure out who I am now.
Blogging is going to be a bigger part of my life this year
(hopefully, hahahaha don't want to break a promise to myself too early)
and I want to try more things,
DO more things,
GO more places,
READ more books, and
BE adventurous.

Here's to an official new (and somewhat old) me.


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