23 January 2015

My Big Girl Rory

I haven't done a post about JUST Rory in a long time
and i think it's overdue ;)

My baby girl is not even close to a baby anymore.
She turns 3 this year. 
She is ALL personality.
Full of sass and love.

She's so tenderhearted.
She's been very into The Lorax lately
and as such when she sees any landscaping with trees getting trimmed
she yells "I speak for the trees!"
it's hilarious and slightly embarrassing to try to explain haha
She also asks to watch Howl's Moving Castle
at least once a day,
and since it's one of my favorites, I usually oblige.
She's such an unusual girl in movie choices.
But that just proves she's my kid ;)
She may LOOK just like a Mills,
but there's a little bit of Bowler in there too ;)
She's the biggest helper and loves to be my sidekick
pretty much everywhere.
She also is VERY independent.
"How abut I do it?"
"No Mama I do it, I'm a big girl".
"Mama I help you please?"
"May I please get a cookie for Jadey?"
which is super helpful except for the whole Jade's too little for cookies part haha
but she always thinks of her little sister and how to make things better for her.
It's one of the many many things I love about her.
Her huge heart makes mine swell with pride.
Some of her favorite sayings are:
- "Jadey what's the deal??"
(both in seriousness when Jade's crying and just for fun when they're playing)
- "Mama/Daddy do you want to {insert action for her here}??"
and that's usually accompanied by a kiss and hug to get what she wants ;)
- "Mama you my best friend. and Jadey. And Daddy. And grandma.
And {insert every name she knows here}".
- "I'm NOT baby, I'm a BIG GIRL"
if I ever call her baby hahaha
 - "You so fine baby girl. Jadey you ok. I love you sister.
Here's you toy."
Pretty much whenever Jade is having a fit

Wish time could stop and yet I love watching her grow up.
Looking at Jade reminds me how Rory used to be.
And how exciting, though extremely challenging, the future will be.
The other night when I was putting Rory to bed,
she climbed onto my lap like normal,
asked for a snuggle like normal,
but then asked me to "lay down and rock" her.
As in, lean back in the rocker and rock her.
So I did and she snuggled in close to me ad went limp just like she used to as a baby.
I had a true sad sad moment right there realizing that my baby
wasn't a baby anymore.
BUT knowing that she still wants her mom to snuggle her
and will, on rare occasions,
give me huge smiles and reminders of her babyhood.

And yes, she is a HUGE challenge as well because she's 2,
but I want to remember all of the good and try to forget the tantrums
and sass and remember the sweet hugs, "I love you Mama"s and kisses.

If you need me,
I'll be over here on the floor in a puddle of melted heart ;)

19 January 2015


So Andrew and I got away this weekend
to Sedona,
just the two of us.
And let me tell you, it was much needed,
and much appreciated of my parents to take the kids for the weekend.
We had such a fun time reconnecting as a couple,
playing board games and talking over future plans.
So many things we're looking forward to doing later in our lives ;)
And now, the pictures.

I was obsessed with the landscape
and couldn't help taking a bazillion pictures of it hahaha
our hotel room had the best view,
we played Skip Bo for Andrew's first time and he caught on way too fast
hahaha he beat me like every time we played after the first time ;)
We're hoping to make this a more often happening,
like a every other year or something.
We needed this time away to remember that we weren't always parents.
And that we need to put our marriage as much at the top
as we do the kids.
It was a wonderful time and I'm so glad I got it for Andrew for Christmas ;) 

12 January 2015

New year, new me, better days ahead!

So remember how I mentioned reality is a huge
obstacle and I'm having some issues dealing with it?
Yeah Thursday was one of those days when I felt like I was drowning.
There was screaming, tantrums, lack of sleep from the night before,
Aunt Flo showed her ugly face, and by 10 in the morning,
I was ready to give up on motherhood and just sink into bed.
But I couldn't do it.
I knew these little monsters girls needed their mama and I HAD to get it together,
so after a nice healthy ugly cry and breakdown,
I pushed through til Andrew made it home.
Then I crashed hard and he took over
and let me just do something I needed/wanted to do.
What was funny was that it actually ended up being cleaning the kitchen.
Like CLEANING the kitchen.
Clorox wipes, scrubbing, sweeping, re-organizing, and just having control over something.
I felt like I was drowning.
A swirl of emotions was going through me and I couldn't stop them.
I am usually pretty level headed and this scared me,
that I couldn't control the outpouring of crazy.
I called Andrew at work which I never do,
and just cried at him on the phone and he was very patient,
told me I'd be fine and to just shut myself away for a few minutes.
So I did and had my breakdown.
Later, Rory refused to take a nap.
and ended up falling asleep facedown in her chair with a foot on the ottoman.
Not tired eh?
But it had been a 2 hour struggle.
Now before you say "Maybe she's too old for naps", etc.
She STILL FALLS ASLEEP so clearly she's still tired enough to need naps.
She's just a stubborn toddler.
But dealing with her constantly yelling at me and back talking
just whittled at me.
By the time Andrew got home,
I didn't have energy to feel anything anymore.
I was on auto pilot.
I bathed Jade, fed her, changed her, fed Rory, bathed her, etc.
And just did it.
I felt nothing.
Again, it was scary to me.
After a couple hours of that serious cleaning of the kitchen,
I realized I've turned into a slight control freak.
I need control over something.
And I had control over nothing that day.
Yes, I know this is motherhood.
But i honestly had no idea how hard this would turn with two.
I love my littles so much and I'm happy to be with them at home,
and I understand I'm lucky enough to do so.
I also understand how happy they make me,
and how one smile from them can usually make it all better.
There are days that it doesn't,
and that's normal too.
So this year for MY resolution,
my biggest one to is get myself more organized.
Cuz I feel that if I have things written down,
planned out,
and in the same place all the time,
creating a habit of being a better organizer,
then the chaos that comes won't effect me nearly as bad.
I'm also planning on doing way more things for myself to find myself again.
I need to find my identity again after 2 kids hahaha
And I won't feel like I'm drowning all the time.
So here's to new years,
new goals,
hope and dreams for the year,
and BRING IT ON! ;)