26 September 2013

Judge ye not

I've been seeing a lot lately about breastfeeding.
I don't know if it's like "Breastfeeding month" or whatever 
but seeing it all over the place
made me think of MY experience with it.

More like lack of experience.
As most of you know, I was unable to nurse Rory.
At first I was a little sad cuz everyone kept telling me 
"it's the best for your baby"
"it helps you bond with her"
"it's the right thing to do" etc etc.

Well guys, it didn't happen for me.
And I felt like the worst mother on the planet.
I kept getting judged for giving her a bottle of formula in public.
Those looks of
"Ooooo she's giving her FORMULA?! Boo hiss"
"She's such a horrible mother for not giving her what's best"
or just the 
"I know better than you" look.

Now before I get crucified for saying all of this,
I completely respect mothers that breast feed their babies!
Totally and completely support them and think it's great!
And power to ya mommies!

What I don't like,
is being JUDGED for how I mother my child.
Needing to give my daughter formula does not make me a bad mother.
My grandmother couldn't breast feed, my mother couldn't breast feed, 
and I couldn't.
Who are you to judge me for being unable to do so?
I physically wasn't able to do it.
One of my favorite criticisms I got was
"Well back in the olden [biblical] days they didn't even have formula,
what would you have done then?
Made your child starve?"
To that I say, there were wet nurses back then,
and if that was the way to feed a baby, that was the way.
And I would have done it.

Thankfully I live in a day and age when I don't have to give
my baby to another woman to feed her.
I am now able to provide a way to feed and bond with my daughter.
Yes, it was with formula
BUT she was fed and happy and I got to still bond with her
even if it was without a physical latch.

If you see a mom in the store/mall/church/anywhere giving her baby
a bottle with formula in it.
Please don't judge her.
Maybe she has something medical that prevents her from nursing,
maybe she just couldn't get the baby to latch,
maybe she even chose not to nurse.
One of my favorite sayings my grandma says sometimes
"If it was any of my business, I would ask."
Therefore judge ye not,
she is still a mother.



  1. Go you, Ali! Isn't it awesome to live in a world where we have access to such wonderful modern medicine? I know so many awesome mommies of healthy babies who chose (or were compelled by circumstances beyond their control) to formula feed. And they did it because that's what wad best for mama and baby! I am a breast-feeding mama, but I think I'm sometimes judged for that too! "Isn't she too old for that?" "Don't you think you are feeding her too much/too little/too often/too seldom?" Ugh. Motherhood is hard enough without people looking down on you for every decision you make. :) Thank you for this post. I think sometimes we all need a good reminder that we only know best for our own kiddos. Raising my own kiddo is hard enough. I hope I never tell other people how to raise theirs too! I don't need the extra responsibility, haha! Obviously your Rory is healthy and happy and loved. In my book, that means you are doing a great job!

  2. Oh, I love that last line: she's still a mother. That's what really matters! There are so many reasons why moms do and don't nurse, a million! My sister chose to quit nursing after just a few weeks, she was having such a hard time, and I really can't blame her. And you know what? Her son is two and completely healthy. There were also some advantages to NOT breastfeeding too, like going out on dates without him which I was a little jealous of. :) I really hope a lot of the judgment you felt was you just being self conscious. If not, shame on them! Mothers everywhere need love and support because it's a hard and very important job.


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