29 August 2013

Metamorphosis of sorts

Alright guys,
this is gonna be a post of a metamorphosis of sorts ;)
You've been thoroughly warned, and it might be a little jumbled.
Also, if you make it through,
I'll give you brownie/cookie/fruits/veggies/tofu/meat/whatever-kind-of-points-you-want
(just can't give you Weight Watchers points...
something about copyrights and the fact that this isn't actually food or excercise)

Ok here goes:

So for a while now I've been feeling extremely lonely.
I LOVE being able to stay home with Rory,
and have her be my buddy,
but it was starting to make me feel like I was fading into the background everywhere.
"Just" a mom, wife, someone that is easily ignored.
My own daughter likes to just play by herself,
asking me only for food or to open a bottle of water for her,
again, in the background, unimportant.
And after many tears, and wet shoulders for Andrew,
I just felt crappy.

Enter self-image issues at this point:
I have always struggled with my weight.
Like always.
I've never been the size 0 girl,
or the fashionable one, etc etc.
I buy my clothes at Wal-Mart usually,
yes along with my groceries and light bulbs haha
I get asked multiple times if I'm pregnant
which I can usually just let it slide off me,
but sometimes it just gets under my skin and it hurts.
And I just pretend like it doesn't while I'm out in public then cry at home.

At this point, I'd reached all-time low,
then last week there was a blogger meetup.
I decided that I needed a new outfit for the meetup cuz to be honest,
the last new clothes I bought were maternity hahaha
(and I had a gift card to spend)
So I got a denim skirt, some shorts, and a sparkly mint green top,
and thusly armed I was ready.
As soon as I got in the car with Hope,
I could feel my loneliness and unhappiness start to disappear.
I had her DJ the drive out to the boutique
(don't worry, a separate post to come about this soon)
and as we're driving we both have friends texting us asking if we were there yet,
how long were we gonna be, etc.
Soon as we walked in,
I was met with smiles, hugs, and playful teases.
Talk about a total self-esteem booster!
Not to mention, they love me just for me,
I didn't need to have fancy brand name clothes,
a designer handbag,
the latest trending fad,
nope.
 Just ME.
We went out to dinner afterwards at Rubio's 
and I'm telling you,
that was one of the funnest things I've done!
We laughed til we cried,
talked about things we aren't always the most open about,
Lydia taught us the ultimate "Ownya" face,
and we shared nachos hahaha

I went home with a smile on my face,
and feeling happier than I had in awhile.
Then that Saturday night,
I went out to dinner with two ladies that I had worked with for a year,
but we hadn't seen each other in almost 3 years!
I can't even tell you how awesome it was to be reunited ;)
We became 2 year olds in the Disney Store
while we walked around reminiscing,
then we ate dinner at Red Robin.
For 3 hours!
We laughed, cried, and just genuinely enjoyed getting together.

As I was driving home,
I had tears running down my cheeks.
But this time, they were happy tears.
I realized that though I thought I didn't,
I have friends.
Friends that would do anything for me,
and vice versa.
Friends that I can call to vent, laugh about stuff with, and have inside jokes with.
And the entire 2 days,
I didn't even THINK about my weight.
Only true friends can do that.
I don't feel self-conscious when I'm with them,
they don't make me uncomfortable,
and I can be ME.

So all in all,
I feel much better about my image.
I know I'm probably gonna still have relapses,
BUT I now know that I have friends no matter what I weigh,
and my loneliness,
GONE.
I feel like part of something more now,
and I love it ;)

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7 comments:

  1. YAYAYAYAYAAYAY /claps hands
    I'm glad you're feeling better about yourself. You're such a happy ball of crazy and it's so wonderful.
    I want more jam sessions though, plz. ;)

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  2. You are amazing my dear. Beautiful inside and out. Never forget that!!

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  3. Oh Ali girl... I love you! :) I cannot WAIT for our next hangout!

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  4. Aww, I'm so happy for you! Seriously, my friends are my therapists. I wish you were my neighbor. We'd have play dates and blt sandwiches (my fav) and I would tell you that how you feel is normal. You're not alone! Again, this just put a smile on my face for you.

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  5. It's amazing what having uplifting, positive people in our lives can do for us emotionally, spiritually, and even physically! Good friends are necessary for a good well-being! I love that for so many of us, myself included, blogging has given us a way to make new friends with people we have a lot in common with and who appreciate us for who we are!

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  6. I literally spent last night pouring out my heart and tears to my husband telling him how lonely I am (no friends after 5 years of living here), and that as much as I ADORE fulfilling my dream of being a mom, I feel like I have no "identity" that makes me, me. He told me my blogging is my "thing" and encouraged me to get back into it. It definitely boosted my spirits but I am still struggling with the "no friends" thing. I hear ya, and I am there for you! I only live a little ways from you so we should do something sometime :)

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  7. ALI! You are amazing. I am so glad that you were reminded that you have friends and people who love you. I like what Jessie said up there about friends as therapists. Love you.

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Welcome to our adventure!