07 December 2012

Gettin' Real

Guys, I need to get real for a minute.
Being a mom is hard work.
Like really hard.
Now I'm not saying that being a mom isn't wonderful, exciting, fulfilling, 
and all other good adjectives.
Cuz it is.

But when Rory has a rough day of no naps,
screaming for no reason,
hitting/scratching me out of frustration,
it is sooo hard.
I try to be patient, I mean she IS a baby and I know that,
but sometimes I have to walk away from her and go into another room 
for 5 minutes to get my cool back.
Then I can usually go back and calm her down since I am finally calm again.
It's really hard after 3-4 days of this routine AND basically no sleep
since she would wake up at least once or twice.
It is the hardest thing to deal with for me.
I don't do well with little sleep
and non-restful days beforehand.

I never thought that motherhood was going to be 
easy-peasy lemon sqeezy,
but I honestly didn't think that there would be days where it was SO hard
to keep my cool and not get frustrated
at our messy apartment that I can never seem to keep clean,
a baby I can never seem to soothe,
dinners that never get made,
laundry that never gets folded, etc.

There are many times I feel like a failure,
as a wife and mother.
There are days I struggle so much with these feelings,
that it feels like I can't ever get over it.
It's so hard sometimes but then there are days
when naps are taken,
a dinner is made by surprise,
my baby falls asleep holding my finger in her little hand,
or she cups my face in both of her hands,
dishes magically end up in cupboards,
and everything is alright.
Sigcopy

5 comments:

  1. This post was beautiful. I love REAL mom posts. That express the frustration with motherhood. When my daughter was first born I distinctly remember saying, "I was meant for this. I am a GREAT mother." Then a few months later I was slapping myself in the face * figuratively* for saying that. Because it definitely got harder. As she got more personality, it got harder to stay calm all the time. People helped less often, and so things got dirtier and life just kept getting faster. And now, when I see new, young moms say things like I did, or "How could I not want to snuggle this baby all day" or other thing- it irritates me. Because I feel like they are showing a false image to other people. So when others become moms, they get discouraged because their baby isn't like that perfect one so-and-so has. Motherhood get's harder- and until you reach it, you can't understand.
    The other day my girl and her 15 month check up, and I feel like a HORRIBLE mothers because she doesn't know as many words as she should. And I know it is my fault. Because I try too hard to keep the house clean and make everything I can, I don't talk to her enough. Motherhood is all about balancing. And it is hard. But when those days come- when your daughter falls asleep while you hold her, it makes life seem like a blessing.

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  2. Aww, there's so much I can say about this! You're not alone, Ali. Really. That first year with your first babe can be rough. I remember days when I didn't get much done. I think the only thing that kept me sane was taking my baby boy for a walk--sometimes TWICE a day! :)

    My home is never all put together anymore with two littles. I have "good" days and "bad" days too. What helps now are some friends who also have little kids. It is sooo nice to see that their homes are messy too, that they lose their cool and their patience (we call those "eat your young" days), but that we all love our children unconditionally and try our best. And guess what? That's good enough!

    You are a great mom, Ali! You step away and TRY to keep your cool and TRY your best. It is definitely enough. Baby girl KNOWS you love her.

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  3. AMEN sista-friend! AMEN! I had one of those moments this morning with little man. He was screaming his head off, I was so tired from being up with him all night, and Dustin was gone to work. So I was trying to calm him down and he just wouldn't calm down. So I ended up having a total meltdown and just bawling while I rocked him.

    Anyway, I totally get where you're coming from. Being a mom is the greatest, most wonderful job in the world, but it sure is trying physically, mentally, and emotionally.

    And dear, just so you know, you are NEVER a failure as a mom because you love your daughter IMMENSELY. Anyone can see that. :) I know it's so easy to feel like you aren't doing everything exactly right (I know I feel that way sometimes). You just need to be reminded of what good mommy you are simply because you try your hardest. :)

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  4. I really love this post - and I can totally relate to the whole not functioning well on little-to-no sleep thing. That's exactly how I am, and it's one of my biggest concerns about being a mom. But something that is so comforting to me about the whole thing is that Heavenly Father is NOT - even for one second - going to leave me alone while I raise my daughter, as long as I invite Him. And that makes me feel infinitely better, even though I KNOW I will have days exactly like you just described :)

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  5. I adore this post Ali! SO TRUE.

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