27 February 2012

Honesty

I need to get this off my chest now
before I drive Andrew completely insane.

Should I feel bad/incompetent/not prepared if I'm not reading up on all 
the different theories of child-raising?
Or haven't signed up for a birthing class yet?
(which I might not want to do a class because I've had discussions with my doctor
and read my information and other things,
so I know what to expect - plus I DO NOT want to watch the video
of some other woman giving birth.....no thanks)
Or haven't been buying tons of baby things yet?
Or that I haven't been doing all these prep classes that are so popular?
That we haven't bought a stroller or car seat or carrier
or rocking chair, etc?
(although thank you grandma for the crib!!!)
Or that I will most definitely be getting an epidural during labor?

I really start feeling like I'm going to be awful
when I read all these things 
(blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc)
and the things these mothers are doing, of which I am not doing any.
I don't want this to sound petty,
I'm just really curious for honest opnions.
Not mean ones y'all, just honesty ok?

Sometimes I think we all get so into the 
"stuff" for a baby
that we forget that the only thing that matters is that our baby
is safe and healthy and loved.
Now I understand knowing all sorts of information and deciding
between natural birthing or to have an epidural.
And I'm also super excited for all the cute little baby things
she'll be receiving soon ;)

My theory for raising children is to love them.
Have rules, enforce them with a firm but loving hand.
Teach them to love the Lord and their Heavenly Father,
teach them to pray,
to love the scriptures
(or at least to read them daily).
To show them we love them beyond anything in this world.
And that everything we do for them is because we love them.
I know that we want our daughter to love both of us
so we are going to take turns at night waking up with her,
taking care of her while the other is away, etc.

Anyone else feel slightly overwhelmed
reading all these posts and things??
Or is it just my crazy pregnancy brain talking to me?
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5 comments:

  1. Obviously I'm not a mom yet...but. I agree with you that the most important thing is that the baby is safe and healthy and loved. It doesn't matter what's trendy or popular right now, because that's certainly not going to last. And I think the mere fact that you're worrying about all these things shows what a wonderful mom you will be :)

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  2. You're right on, girl. You have all the right perspectives, I'm so glad you shared! And don't let anyone else tell you how to do things. We all get to do it our own way, and that's the right way :)

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  3. Haha...I'm not a momma so I don't really have much input on the subject. I am torn between epidural or not, bc labor is a heck of a lot shorter when it goes naturally, but I'm also not a fan of the idea of pushing a baby out of there....
    I say, do what you want, what's best for you, because you're right - all that matters is the health of you and your baby.

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  4. First - reading books. The "theories of child raising" are constantly changing and are written by scientists or doctors, not mommies and daddies. You'll find books that argue that to completely opposite views/tactics are the "right" way to raise a kid. One of my favorite things to do is skim through different articles on babycenter.com and then read all of the 100s and 100s of comments moms make telling the author/scientist that they're wrong. It's hilarious. My favorite is the article about how having a baby "cry it out" will permanently scar them emotionally. You can imagine the rise that got out of some mothers. (Side note: My Lydia cries herself to sleep every night, and in my opinion is still emotionally stable) Moral of the story - whether you read every book in sight or none, you and Andrew will find your own way of raising your kids that works for you.

    Second - birthing class. I've had 2 kids and other than my mom giving me some pointers, I've not taken a single birthing class. You are fine without it. HOWEVER, I've ended up getting an epidural with both kids. I would like to eventually successfully do an all natural birth just so I have personal experience with both ways for when my girls are having babies and want advice. I think in order to do that Robert and I will need to take a class. Mainly so that Robert will know how to be a better coach. He's kind of freaked out both times :)

    Third - Buying stuff. Don't. Especially with your first baby people will give you a ton of stuff! There will also be an occasional person that will be getting rid of baby stuff that might call you and say "Hey do you want all this. That's how we got our car seat, swing, crib, and tons of clothes. Not to mention the baby shower. Just get it as you need it. Have a car seat etc picked out and when it gets closer to time and you haven't inherited/been given one go get it. Heck, for the car seat you can even wait til after you have the baby and have Andrew go get it before the day you bring her home from the hospital. I can't tell you how many times I've purchased something and then receive that same something from someone else as a gift. We've learned we save a lot of money by waiting until the absolute last minute :)

    Fourth - Don't compare yourself. I can't count how many times I'll be on Pinterest looking at all these amazing things moms are doing and start feeling like I'm lame for not even doing a fraction of that. But then I ask myself. "Are my kids happy?" and "Am I trying to do the best I can?" If I can answer yes to both of those questions, than I'm doing just fine :)

    Welcome to the roller coaster of emotions and insecurities that is Parenthood! :) It's a wild ride, but a great one.

    Sorry, this is probably more than my 2 cents worth. I just really understand how you feel :)

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  5. You're going to be a wonderful momma! You'll be surprised at how natural it comes. And it's OKAY to have a bad day as a mommy, sit back, reflect, and try again the next day. It's a learning curve for all of us. I think Heidi nailed everything right on the head. It's so hard not to compare yourself to other moms or feel bad after reading an article (I finally had to throw a whole book in the garbage because that's how it made me feel!), but I've learned not to sweat it. My little boy is happy. I am happy. And that's the bottom line, isn't it?

    Don't worry about an epidural. It doesn't make you any less of a woman. Sheeesh! Carrying a baby for nearly 10 months is sacrifice enough! Not to mention the years of sacrifice and tears that come after.

    P.S. All you really need for baby those first few weeks are diapers, wipes, and blankets. The rest just comes. (Oh yes, and a car seat to get home from the hospital... unless you can walk!)

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Welcome to our adventure!