01 February 2011

I'm gonna get real with you

I know that I usually don't do this but
I'd like to get real with you for a minute.

To preface this:
I'm not stating this for pity,
attention or any other
EMO crap.
I'm just being honest and real with y'all.

Most of you know me to be loud,
outoging, and sometimes crazy ;)
And this is usually me,
but until I know you really well I am painfully shy.

I do not do well in new places,
I'm not good with change,
I'm very good at undermining myself.
I tend to be very hard on myself
for any and all shortcomings I have.
I also tend to think others deserve
better than to hang with me.
And I feel lonely a lot.
I feel like I've lost a lot of connections with people
and I miss having friends to hang out with.

Now, now before you all think I'm crazy and emo,
remember that we are all struggling with something
inside ourselves and striving to do better.
Mine is just treating myself better
both physically and emotionally.
When I cry, it's usually over something stupid,
and I usually end up laughing at myself for crying
over such a silly thing.
"A walking contradiction"
(I wrote an entire paper on that
phrase and how it pertains to me
in my ENG 101 class and got an award for it hahaha)

And for the record,
my husband is the best man in the world,
because he loves me,
holds me when I cry unnecessarily
(holds me when I sob & laugh while I'm sobbing too),
and tells me what a great person I am
to him.
I truly couldn't ask for a better friend
and love of my life than Andrew.

Also, last week I was able to go to the temple
with my old high school bff,
and it was a wonderful experience for me.
I hadn't been since I had gotten married,
and just feeling God's presence and the Spirit so strong
has helped me feel better in so many ways.
Sitting there with my old friend was a great way
to relive old times and feel like my old happy self.
It was almost like taking a happy pill ;)
The temple was the perfect solution to my problem.
And I need to go more often.
It's better than anything any therapist could offer.
A Father's love for His daughter
is all I need to help me feel better ;)

Really, the reason why I wrote this was to get it off my mind,
and to hopefully help anyone else who might
be going through the same thing in their life.
Remember that no matter how bad you may feel,
there is a Father in Heaven that loves you more than anything,
and He knows you're worth more than rubies or diamonds,
and any and all other precious things.
I have felt it many times, especially when I've needed comfort,
and I know He will answer you with love.
And you will feel a weight lifted,
or just a peaceful feeling.
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