14 December 2008

Hopeless Romantic

I have always loved mushy gushy love stories. Well I like a lot of them but not all. There are some that I just can't handle like The Notebook (which I know is considered a crime sorry). My dream has been to find my Prince Charming and have him carry me off into the sunset on his white horse. Wanna know how that's working out for me? Yeah about as much as you think things like that actually happening.

Now don't get me wrong, I have found the guy I would love to spend the rest of my life and forever with. He made me happier than I'd ever been and helped me find myself after I was lost. Unfortunately, we were thwarted by Fate and met too early on. Andrew is now on a mission for which I am thoroughly happy and proud that he is. But with him gone, a part of me is gone also. I haven't heard from him in about 2 months now because letters are slow to getting here from Argentina. And it's torture not to know how he's doing or anything about him and his mission. There are times when I wonder if this is worth it. My head says it's silly to think that he'd still want to be with me two years after he's seen me; but my heart won't let me feel anything less than love for him. Even when we were dating and I was cross with him, I felt nothing but love for him. The million dollar question is: Does he still feel the same?

I know this is kinda weird for me to just throw my feelings out there for everyone to see and believe me it's kinda crazy, since I don't ever do this, but it's relieving too. My diary is usually the place where I say such things as these but who knows? Maybe this will be helpful to someone somewhere down the road?

I miss him more than anything else in the world and sometimes it feels like I can't breathe because the sadness hits me but it's also getting so much easier to deal with than it was to begin with. I know I have been given a purpose (don't know exactly what purpose yet) and I can feel that I'll discover it soon or at least soonish. And I want Andrew to share this with me, but if we are not meant to be that's fine too. Though I'm 99.999999999999 x infinity sure that we will make it through this and be together. My very own happy ending with my Prince of my Dreams ;)

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