20 June 2017

More Birthdays!

One thing that's always hard this month
is that Andrew and Rory have birthdays 4 days apart so it's insane!

For Rory's birthday we went out to eat with my parents
at her favorite place, Red Robin
the Saturday before her actual birthday!
Such a simple thing!
We of course had to stop at the Disney Store afterwards though,
cuz what birthday is complete without a Disney visit?!

She was ecstatic to spend the quality time with us
and my parents.
We had a blast and she ended up with some new
pajamas (Star Wars for the win!)
and a couple shirts too!

In case you wondered where these girls get their crazy from hahaha
(Also, Rory took all of these)

Then yesterday,
this girl got to spend some serious quality time with her grandparents' Mills!
They took her to lunch and out to buy clothes for school!
She came home with EVERYTHING she needed for school!
And she's obsessed with all of her new things! 
We had to wash them last night so she could wear some today
and she's dying for school to start ;)

We then had friends over for dinner and cake
and she PASSED OUT within seconds.

I can't believe she's 5!
I feel like it's gone fast,
and yet it has also been only 5 years?!
She's so full of spunk, sass, love, curiosity, smarts, etc.
I can't ewait to see what school does for her cuz I know she's going to 
blossom and grow soooo much!

I love you Aurora Rose!
Thank you for making me a mom!

16 June 2017

Birthday Shennanigans!

Andrew turned 28 yesterday,
and sweet man that he is,
he wanted to go to Costco for his birthday dinner
so we could also get groceries hahaha
 Such a great guy!
We met up with him there,
did our tiny shopping trip
(like under $100 people, I was so proud!),
had a sample of some kind of fish patty I think it was,
and settled down to eat!
It was incredibly simple,
yet perfect for our little family of 4!
 This is his "then stay in the cart so I can give you some!" face

This may seem like a super silly thing to document
but I felt like we should document the boring mundane
stuff as well as the fun good stuff ;)
This was a mixture of both
plus hello!
Costco pizza and hot dogs (for the others, not me)
are DA BOMB!

Happy Birthday to our favorite guy on the entire planet and in the universe!!
(and it's this crazy girl's birthday on Monday! WHAT!?)

08 June 2017

Stigmas with Ebbs and Flows!

My mind is a weird place sometimes.
It's like a black hole that just sucks me in
and it's hard to climb back out.
This is part of my anxiety and depression battle
that seems to be constantly there.
Some days it's worse than others because it's like the ocean:
it ebbs and flows.
I think that's part of why I love the ocean so much.
I don't like going into the water,
but the sound of the waves and watching the water calms me down.
Probably because it's a physical demonstration 
of what seems to be going on inside my head:
As the waves crash on the sand it represents me feeling overwhelmed
and not being able to breathe.
But as it recedes I see that I'm still there,
maybe a little torn up from it,
but able to go on.
I recently saw a very good and slightly eye opening video showing 
"If we talked about physical health the way we do about mental health"
(scroll down a bit and the video is there)
and it struck a chord in me.
It's sadly true.
I know it is because I used to think the same way.
I used to think it should be easy to just "shrug it off".
I used to think a lot of things that I know now were very naive
and very judgmental (even though they were never meant that way)
Why is there such a stigma about depression and other mental health issues?
Is it because it's not a physical ailment?
(though it sometimes can manifest that way)
Is it because no one really fully understands why
it happens?
Is it because it's so hard to diagnose properly?
Is it because we're scared we may "catch it" like some
infectious disease?
I don't know the answers to these questions.
All I know is that there shouldn't be one!
Depression isn't always triggered by a loss.
Sometimes it is but not always.
Depression takes many forms:
anger, sadness, indifference, hopelessness,
and in extreme cases self harm, suicide, etc.
Sometimes it's not even there and you get a glimpse of what 
"normal" can look and feel like.
Anxiety isn't just "feeling scared".
It's when you can't turn your mind off
from worrying about anything.
Big, small, insignificant, important, child related,
spouse related, earth related, really anything on the spectrum.
And most of the time it's subconscious
but still your mind will not let you rest.
It can be a stomach ache that hits you out of the blue.
It could even be a panic attack
that is very real and you cannot breathe.
Insomnia is your best friend.
I often beg it to leave for just one night so I can get some rest
only to be wakened by children throughout the night.
(Motherhood has no "closed" hours)
The saddest part of it all is when you don't even know the person is
suffering inside because we've been programmed to say 
"I'm fine"
whenever someone asks how were doing.
We do it with a smile and hope someone 
sees the broken glass insde so we don't have to admit it out loud.
Sometimes we answer honestly and can talk about it.
Most of the time however, we won't.
Not because we don't trust you,
or because we don't think you'll "get it".
But because even we don't get it sometimes.
We don't know why we feel this way.
We don't know how to "fix it". 
And we've been told 
"it's all in your head"
"Are you even trying to be happy?"
"Your life is wonderful, why on earth are you sad?!"
or a plethera of other things.
So we decide to keep it inside and answer
"I'm fine."
even though we may be drowning inside,
amidst a crashing wave.
And then when our ocean is receding,
and we can breathe air again,
life really is good and we know it.
We just have a few more waves to ride through than some people
and it's ok.
So let's end this horrid stigma that mental health is laughable,
silly, not real, not important.
And give it the time it deserves to help us not feel so alone,
abandoned, made fun of, or feel less than human.
Hold us through the crashing of our waves
and help us ride them out.

06 June 2017

Welcome Summer!

We have had quite the fun time the past couple weeks!
We had Andrew home on Memorial Day which was awesome
(especially after having everyone sick the previous week!)

  We had a ward water party this past weekend as a
"Let's get to know each other a bit better" type deal 
after a pretty big change that happened in April.
The kids had a blast and it was a super fun activity and I think it helped us
all feel closer and more like a ward family again.

After the water party I decided to do something a little crazy!
(follow my on IG if you wanna see things faster than I update the blog haha)

  I've been wanting to dye my hair a fun color for years.
It's just something that I've always thought would be fun
(after all, I LOVED my peacock feathers)
and so I went for it!
I used Loreal's Colorista dye for brunettes!
It doesn't require bleach for the color!
(I got mine at WalMart for less than $10!)
Plus this washes out in about 4-8 washes so I decided it was a really good test run!
And I love it!
It turned my hair way darker than I thought it would
but I don't hate it so now I know I like crazy fun colors!
Next time I want to go bolder and more teal ;)

 I've also just barely stepped into the world of makeup,
like for realz this time.
I've worn mascara more of my teen years and some of my adult years haha
I just have always thought it was such a hassle and unnecessary,
and I do still think that sometimes,
however I DO like that it evens out my red spots on my face!
My face has always been flushed but since having kids it's gotten soooo
much worse and quite frankly after using the Maskcara products
for my boudoir shoot in May I've been debating getting it to use for special occasions
or just when I want to feel pretty hahaha
So I got this cute makeup bag which is PERFECT for my tiny needs.
Maybe I'll get more daring or something later but for now,

On Sunday we had dinner with my family 
and after almost everyone else had left,
Uncle Nick decided to give Jade a dance lesson which ended abruptly
once he saw we were recording it!


And the girls and I are enjoying our summer movies together!
I am so glad that this year Jade can come too and she loves 
"go to moviesh!" hahaha
It's been a good start to summer but already I'm dreaming
of cooler weather and school being in session and slightly freaking out!
My baby will be in KINDERGARTEN next month!